Dear Diary Edition: Broken
It has been a while since I've posted a blog but even longer since I've given something from the heart. I started "Dear Diary Edition" to give readers a more personal view of me as a person not just a writer. With that being said let the scribe begin. .
Dear Diary,
My mommy is always on my mind & in my heart. Recently she's appeared in dreams that seem to make no sense, just like my life without her. The dreams never allow me to fully look her in the face or even get close enough for a hug. It's quite troubling to not even be able to interact with a person in your dreams who is no longer around. I was without a doubt a mommys' girl and that never left me. It's difficult losing someone that was your everything. She was not just a parent, she was my friend, my homie, my crutch, she was my angel on earth, now my angel up above. My everything! It's such a blessing to have experienced what I did growing up with her as my mother, the good & the bad. She showed me what true, unconditional love was without judgment. She knew exactly how to handle me no matter what mood I was in or what I was going through. For that I am forever thankful! I owe her the world & it breaks my heart I no longer have the opportunity to give it to her. I haven't been able to write as much since she's been gone & with it coming up on 3 years since she passed, it's as if my mind & heart couldn't bear to be silent anymore. I'm breaking my silence with "Broken" in hopes that I can lift some of the weight of the world off my shoulders. I live through expression on paper but writers block took over. Now I'm sharing this piece as a vent, a release.
Dear Diary,
My mommy is always on my mind & in my heart. Recently she's appeared in dreams that seem to make no sense, just like my life without her. The dreams never allow me to fully look her in the face or even get close enough for a hug. It's quite troubling to not even be able to interact with a person in your dreams who is no longer around. I was without a doubt a mommys' girl and that never left me. It's difficult losing someone that was your everything. She was not just a parent, she was my friend, my homie, my crutch, she was my angel on earth, now my angel up above. My everything! It's such a blessing to have experienced what I did growing up with her as my mother, the good & the bad. She showed me what true, unconditional love was without judgment. She knew exactly how to handle me no matter what mood I was in or what I was going through. For that I am forever thankful! I owe her the world & it breaks my heart I no longer have the opportunity to give it to her. I haven't been able to write as much since she's been gone & with it coming up on 3 years since she passed, it's as if my mind & heart couldn't bear to be silent anymore. I'm breaking my silence with "Broken" in hopes that I can lift some of the weight of the world off my shoulders. I live through expression on paper but writers block took over. Now I'm sharing this piece as a vent, a release.
"Broken"
Tossing & turning, head throbbing with red eyes, not sure how many tears I've cried - heart yearning to see your face, hear your voice. To feel your embrace & smell your perfume. It's almost that time again when the holidays hit & families join in love, while I sit thinking about you so far away you are up above. How on that November day I didn't even get to look in your eyes or get my last hug. I hold my head high because I grew up to do so but I am forever broken without you. I'll always keep it moving even though it feels like I can't live without you. I am grateful for all you gave me & I pray one day again you can hold me & tell me how much you love your "Nani" . . .until then all I have are my words & a pen which I will use to express my love for you until I reach my end!!
Thanks for reading!
*kisses
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