Dear Diary Edition: The Giver Who Receives

Such powerful words that we do not think are us being ungrateful yet they are and could make someone not want to do anything nice for you again.

Perception is everything. It is important to consider how our actions and words will be perceived by another. This does not mean to let others dictate how we act but be aware of how we may affect ones feelings. Recently I was listening to an online radio station and the guy was speaking to a woman about how she loves to help others but allows herself to struggle. He asked "how does it make you feel to help others?" she replied "Fantastic! Very rewarding. I love it!" He replied strongly "So why won't you let anyone help you? Why do you deny someone from feeling the same emotion/satisfaction from helping you?" She was speechless. I felt like he was speaking to me! I absolutely Love helping others but I'm very stubborn when it comes to asking for or accepting help. I grew up helping and that's all I know so even when I really need it it's very hard for me because I like to be the helper not the "helpee" - it can make you feel less when you know you have so much more to offer but just aren't able to at the moment. Giving in many forms has always been a satisfaction of mine and when that is what you're used to doing it makes it difficult to be on the receiving side. Listening to that conversation on the online radio station really made me think of it from the other side.I know there have been situations where I really wanted to help someone and they wouldn't allow me to do so. I wondered why they wouldn't accept my help when I wanted nothing in return. It didn't really make enough sense for them to turn me down yet I felt it was understandable when I turned others down, not even second guessing my one-sided view. I suppose it was all a humbling experience, knowing how much I needed support but didn't want to take it and ultimately putting myself in a much worse position than before. I went so long not really needing anything that when I did I didn't even know how to go about asking. It seems easy just aks for what you need right? HA, if only my brain worked that way. I would question my capabilities as an adult, feeling as if I shouldn't even be asking in the first place. I would judge myself in a way that was completely unnecessary. I Love the fact that people see me as deserving of their time yet turn around and deny them of something that I find to be such a great feeling. I think I have a different awareness of consideration, if someone asks me what I need from the store Imay need 10 things but will pick the top most 3 needed, as to where others don't even consider that information.There are times in life where it is necessary to accept support even if you don't want to but really need it. You never know what will happen in life as to where you will need support and it will be a blessing to you. .nothing more, nothing less. It's hard to accept it sometimes especially when you are older and feel as though you shouldn't have to accept or ask for help period. This is where understanding comes in and the realization that you "deserve" this blessing should set in. When you are a good person blessings come in many forms and it isn't our job to pick and choose which blessing we should receive rather to accept. Overall it is important to be a blessing to others but to also allow others to be a blessing to you. People can sense when you "deserve" their support and when it is because you need it and not just you taking advantage. I Love how one small conversation can really make you evaluate something in a different light. Instead of feeling like a burden I can understand people want to support me because they recognize my good heart and they believe in my journey to be the best person I can be. They probably see more in me than I see in myself simply because they see strength through my struggle and not weakness because I'm struggling. This isn't to say it will be easy to accept all support but it is to say I recognize it in a different way. If I am willing to bless others in any way that I can then I should be able to accept my blessings in that form as well! There are many people who think such as I do, I hope that this blog has helped you see this in a different way as well!

Thanks for reading!

*kisses