Dear Diary Edition: Excuse Me

Excuse me, I knew not what I had done...


The words below were written on 
February 3, 2017

I apologize. . .
For anything you feel I did wrong or anything that I didn't do that you felt I should've done. I apologize for doing something that made you feel anything negative towards me. I will not say I take back anything because I do not. When one claims that they regret what they have done they are placing a burden on themselves and I will no longer carry any burdens. The reason for me apologizing is because I have awakened, I understand that many of the things we do are based off of feelings/emotions that we direct towards someone else as if it's their responsibility to alter how we feel. The only reason a person makes you feel a certain way is because of how you process whatever it is that they did or said to you. We don't truly take the time to understand each other. We have people in our lives that we've know for a long time but we really don't know them at all, we just created who we think they are based on how we feel.

    There is an understanding that we are to let people "be who they are" but how many of us actually do these things? We easily tell others they are wrong about how they feel, that they overreacted, that what they did made us feel a certain type of way; the list goes on. My point is we lack the focus to see that we are not allowing people to be who they truly are, we are manipulating them based on how we feel about them and also how we feel about ourselves. Much of what we project onto others is the reality of what is going on inside of us.

February 6, 2021

  1. Apologize (verb): express regret for something that one has done wrong.

Facts can be difficult to accept when they do not make us feel better about whatever decision we made. The fact is, according to the definition of apologize, I did not use this word in the correct manner.

    Reading the above scribe was a reminder from my past cellf. We leave reminders and messages to be perceived on another level at a different time. I am soul thankfull for seeing this and reflecting over where I have been! Although in 2017 I had this idea in my mind it took me some time to actually apply this knowledge. It took time for me to truly be able to create thoughts and separated feelings so that I was better able to see the facts. I did however contradict mycellf by saying "I apologize" followed by stating "When one claims that they regret what they have done they are placing a burden on themselves" according to the meaning of the word. No regrets!

    I do not apologize for anything I have done. I have no regrets, everything I have done was what needed to be done to bring me to where I am at in this current moment. My intentions were never to cause any pain. However, I will say excuse me for causing any pain or confusion, I truly was not aware and lacked the proper vision to see the raw truth. The fact of the matter is no matter what you do, someone will always see you as the bad guy and I have learned that you must be ok with that fact. When people do not know who they are they will never be able to see who you truly are. Even if one is aligned with who they are supposed to be and their purpose, there will be some that disagree with how they are doing things. How can one apologize when they did not know any better? To know better is to do better. We must accept that everything we do is on us and no one else; as we grow we need to do better! A great way to start is take responsibility for our actions and stop blaming others!
 
This video was recorded on January 23, 2021


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